Monday, August 31, 2009

well, baise-moi !...
hanging with producers of '7th Moon'
sequel to 'blair witch'

     even hit women get invites to producer hollywood screenings. tho i'm the only one i know of lately.
     think quentin would have given me the call given his love of the violent femme touch. but i've better things to do than kill time, and marks, waiting for hollywood types to cell me. actually, the less who know me the bettah.
     so when the op to see a producer screening of unreleased '7th moon' came moi way, i honored them with my dangerous presence.
     in the civilized world (if there is sucha thing), the lala hollyworld crowd know me as an intl securitat spezialist, weapons/arms consultantress, staging and techie nerd. they're too afraid to ask if i cross the line.
     this might get back to a few of the crowd sick and twisted enough to read this offense to humanity i spew here. but like my hair color, they'll never know fer sure fer sure if it is. only thing real about me anyone can be sure of is my manolo blahniks (no, they don't pay me to write this crap...can you even imagine???) and my bgbc whatevah.
     even so, if they think i'm part of the nawty world, my price just goes up. what's the fuck up with hwood?! why do they love nawty nawty so much?! violence and more violence! i'm one to talk. haha.
     back to '7th moon'. i do so ramble when i'm writing, tearing down a .38 special and doing my nails at the same time! multi tasking is a bitch! like me.
     i'm an artiste (can't you tell by the garbaaage you're reading here dahlings?) so i hate to trash anything done of an artistic nature by les autres.
     but that doesn't include 7th moon. oh, just kidding!
     to fill in those living on mars, or a permanent LSD drip since 1969, 7th moon is the 10 years after sequel to blair witch project. they'd hate to hear it called a sequel, but let's be honest (it's fun sometimes). done by the same folks, same producers, editors, and so on, as the original blair witch project, 10 years after it came out and stunned the world for 10 seconds for it's faux realite.
     7th moon, not to give anything away, is the same shaky camera, in the forest with the vics (cop talk for victims) fare...a young blonde wifey, amy smart, and her chinese husband...all taking place, and shot, in hong kong. forgive me for not bothering to look up the hubbie's name on google, or recall we all know by now i'm of the lez is more persuasion dahlings, and it's the galz that get my eye. specially when they're as cute as amy, who does a very credible job as a distraught newlywed about to be devoured by evil spirits (evil spirits get so much camera time in hwood!). hubbie actor is just as good, if not a bit better. shame i don't care enough to mention him.
     i sail, so luckily i didn't have to take a dramamine to watch the shakey camera work. but i'd bring a bottle of pepto bismol along sweeeties, unless you're used to driving your porsche carrera 4s 80mph on the unpaved portion of mulholland hwy past topanga cyn, and are used to what Betty Davis calls, a 'bumpy ride'. i so do love Betty! unlike me, she doesn't need a cz or glock to kill...just the Eyes.
     the horror afficianadoz will probably love this Chinese based remake of the kids in the new england forest, and it does have it's moments. but, as you can imagine, my kind of horror movie is a bit, shall we say, tres differente?
     the 2005 banned in france and one other country (i can't think of), 'baise-moi' (fuck me, literal french translation) is a horror film that horrified me. story of 2 loser french chix, one cute, one hotsexymykindofchic, who get brutalized one tooooooooo many times and lose it. turn into waste-em-all-let-God-sort-em-out murderesses rampaging through not-so sweeet paris and the surrounding countryside.
     truth is, it did horrify moi. the violencia is the closest thing i've seen to the real thing...i should know. the sex too, that's because the sex is real...the fucking, including numerous insertion shots, is all real. porn stahz were used in the film. yes, it's all actually happening.
     the co-stah, karen lancaume (also known as karen bach), was in fact a cult porn stah who killed herself 5 years after the flic came out. drug od. hate to see anyone waste themselves, specially when i could do it so much better for them. but to see such a beauty come to that is ezpezially a loss for those of us who drooled over her naked physique on celluloid, writhing in sexual exta-c. she was a dream in a physical body
lovely deadly karen lancaume, rip, from 'baise-moi'
     this natural light film was shot before digital, so it has an orange glo from the street lamps during much of it, which mostly takes place on the streets.
     to cut to the kill shot, the flicker is a nasty, too realistic version of thelma and louise. the real version. the one mama didn't tell you about. whereas the camera motion might make you throw up in 7th moon, it's the sickening violence that will in baise-moi.
     as a horror film, baise-moi wins guns down. rent the one, see the other when it comes out, decide for yourselves.
     maybe what rilly rilly po'd me over baise-moi was, the killing was sooo nasty. and the clothes! uhhh! i wouldn't take my cat to the kitty wash dressed like that, let alone do a vic the disservice of offing him (i only do guys...and over 17) dressed in that trash! thank goodness much of the film has them naked.
     honorable mention to one sequence where they stomp some dewd to death after he insists on using a condom to baise them (no, it ain't a comedy...!). karen lancaume's bloody stiletto strappy heels after the deed, next to the corpse on a hotel room floor, had me coming multi times. the rest of the kills were just plain non-sexy!
     ok, tahhh for now. promise to take you along on a kill verrry soon. people and places will be changed to protect the guilty (meee, chuckle chuckle), but everything else will be ohhhhhh soooooooo deliciously real.

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